Home > the church as Christ > The Year I Didn’t Go To Church

The Year I Didn’t Go To Church

Well, that’s a little misleading. The year after my divorce was final, I visited several churches.

And had a little difficulty finding a home.

Churches of Christ (and probably other faith fellowships) weren’t sure what to do with divorced people in 1984, and while I would be greeted enthusiastically as a guest, the warmth of the smiles would visibly cool when I said I was divorced.

I did find a home at Pleasant Valley, where no one seemed to mind very much what my marital status was. There was an singles group, and for the most part, folks did not regard the divorced as people with a scarlet “D” embroidered to their blouses or seared into their chests. But in the meantime I’d found another home among people who readily accepted others and took them in and shared commonalities of interest:

Trekkies. Well, Trekkers, actually: the United Trekkers of Arkansas, so named because there was some kind of nomenclature debate going, in which “Trekkies” was perceived as an insult. Hey, it was just a word then and it’s just a word now. (There’s a chance that “Christian” may have originally been intended as an insult. It certainly is used that way now in some circles.)

You could be a Trek-fan and go to meetings and (in those days before widespread Internet) share rumors of movies being made and news of new books and comic books and collectibles; debate motivations of characters and planetary cultures and 23rd-century technology. And nobody cared if you were married, divorced or single (there were members of all those categories); or whether you were painfully thin or dangerously obese; whether you were old or young or somewhere in-between; or whether you wore Trek t-shirts or uniforms or street clothes or dressed like a Klingon from time to time.

The findings of many a research project in religion point to what people seek most in a church: community. That’s what the Trekkers excelled in. They were a community in which deep friendships formed and grew, based on a shared peculiar interest. They worked together. They had garage sales that raised money for local charities like Big Brothers/Big Sisters. They even put together three or four local science fiction conventions — again benefiting local charities — that attracted some of the writers and actors from the television series and movies to participate.

Not unlike followers of Christ.

Now, the club was no paradise to be sure, and it had a rival. Sort of. There were for a while a few members of the UTA who were also members of a larger local chapter of a national organization known as Starfleet. The national organization — and particularly the local chapter — took their charter very seriously. Members had a rank in Starfleet and could advance, and they wore Starfleet uniforms (whatever era one chose), and they participated in community service projects while wearing them. (The local chapter adopted a mile of highway for cleanup.) One member famously wore her uniform as a candidate for the jury in the impeachment trial of President Clinton.

But the Starfleet folks developed kind of a disdain for the undisciplined ways and unlimited acceptance of the UTA folks, and a rift developed, and most of the UTA folks who had also joined Starfleet let their Starfleet memberships lapse. And Starfleet soon went the way of all interstellar hierarchies.

As far as I know, neither organization persists all these years down the road. I let my membership in UTA lapse in 1987, the year I moved to Shreveport.

And that, really, was the year I didn’t go to church.

There was no Pleasant Valley there. There was a church across the river with a single again group of six morbidly depressed people. There was a church on the north side that was all folding chairs in a circle and worship renewal and total unawareness of visitors. There were others, and I was quick to pick up on the dress code and bylaws and expectations and requirements of them. But there was no home.

Every other month or so, I’d roll three-and-a-half hours back up the road to Little Rock to go to church and reconnect with my Pleasant Valley brothers and sisters. Fortunately, my sojourn in Shreveport was just for that one year, parts of 1987-1988.

Now, the point to all this is (if there is one): Jesus was in Shreveport as surely as He was in Little Rock. It may have been shallow — and may be shallow — for someone to look for a church home based on a craving for community rather than Christ. It may be self-seeking, selfish, self-interested.

Yet it can grow into something more.

When people visit our churches, we have a very narrow window of opportunity to offer them the comforts of home — especially those who are hurting and hungry and desperately in need of comfort. I was one of them, and I am not proud of the judgment I showed or the speed with which I exercised it in some cases.

If we greet people with our charter and our uniform requirements and our expectations for performing service and cleaning up highways and leave a general impression of disdain for folks who aren’t going to advance in the ranks, well ….

On the other hand, if we show acceptance as Christ accepts us … if we do not judge others as He eschewed judgment while in this world; what they wear or what their background is or what their potential level of commitment might be … if we work together to help others and honor children and obviously have a great time doing so … then I think we’ve got a better chance at reaching the folks who are starved for community and may have only the vaguest idea about the One who puts the lonely in families.

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Categories: the church as Christ
  1. Jeff Richardson
    June 9, 2012 at 1:26 pm | #1

    In reading your post I hope and pray that your divorce was a scriptual one. Matt 5:32 explains Christ’s one and only exception very clearly. You also state that we should accept others as Christ has accepted us. May we always remember that Christ doesn’t accept us just because we are who we are. Christ expects us to change and conform to His will. Yes we must be examples of love and kindness to those who may visit, but in love we show them the ways of Christ and we cannot accept the sin in their lives no more than we can accept it in our own. “What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound? God forbid! How shall we who died to sin live any longer in it? Rom 6:1,2

    • June 9, 2012 at 1:53 pm | #2

      Jeff, thank you for providing an excellent example of the first concern I encountered at some of the churches I visited: whether I was “scriptural” and would fit in with righteous people who have not suffered the pain of divorce. That’s how it came across then. That’s still how it comes across today, brother.

    • June 13, 2012 at 9:50 am | #3

      A wonderful shining example of a legalistic stone-thrower-living-in-a-glass-house.

  2. June 9, 2012 at 3:07 pm | #4

    Keith the self appointed keepers of the law will continue to think they have to be detectives and integrate, and continue to run people off who are seeking the compassion of Christ. Simon the pharisee of Luke 7 is still alive and well today because their brand of legalism will not allow them to accept someone simply on the basis of being covered by the grace of God. When I read comments like the one Jeff left I am reminded of myself many, many years ago. There but for the grace of God go I. Keith I am so thankful that you hung around brother. Jeff, I will pray for you, whether you think you need them or not.

  3. TKP
    June 9, 2012 at 3:20 pm | #5

    I’m grateful to be a part of a church that accepts people of all backgrounds and histories. We have shepherds and deacons in our church who have been divorced, and I’m thankful that they are able to use what some would use a mark of shame as a testament to God’s faithfulness and work in their lives. And Jeff, I would urge you remember that God judges us in the same way we judge others. It is when we are salt and light, and not judgmental police, that others will come to know Christ.

  4. John Caplinger
    June 9, 2012 at 6:11 pm | #6

    Oh, Keith. I remember your divorce still, with pain and sorrow for you. I am so happy that you have found your wife and children since then, and I am so proud of you for being willing to expose yourself to self-important trolls who have to get all the juicy bits of your personal business… just for scriptural reasons, of course. What is truly sad is that the important message you have so artfully wrought is lost in the nit picking, while they whine and complain about your credentials and pretend that you have set yourself up as more than you are… a loving servant.

    My parents were divorced before they met, and they carried the social stigma all of their lives regardless of the rightness and necessity of their actions. My wife’s mother was ‘left’ by her husband… who remained a stolid church-attendee, while her mother was shunned with her three little girls, looked down upon for having to make a living for herself and them.

    “there shouldn’t be any shame in being divorced if your [sic] the innocent party.”

    That is so true. And yet, so few are willing to let that be. Having the god “Being Right” before our Lord is so common.

    Love and acceptance.

  5. June 9, 2012 at 10:04 pm | #7

    I’m guilty of trying to find the church we were leaving when we left Tx and moved back to ‘Bama. However we were looking for the acceptance we had left, and we found it.

  6. June 9, 2012 at 11:13 pm | #8

    “Should we pull out the weeds?” the farmer’s workers asked.
    “No,” the farmer replied, “you’ll uproot the wheat if you do. Let both grow together until the harvest. Then I will tell the harvesters to sort out the weeds, tie them into bundles, and burn them, and to put the wheat in the barn.”

  7. June 10, 2012 at 9:50 pm | #9

    praying for Jeff Richardon’s soul. won’t you all join me?

  8. Tristan Stamps
    June 10, 2012 at 10:40 pm | #10

    Wow!!! I was just going to say, that looking for community is what being in Christ is all about, we are a gathering a community.

    At one time, I would have held the view, “is it scriptural?” but as I grew older, and listened to those who promote that view, I had to ask myself, “does that sound like Jesus?” and it doesn’t sound like Jesus!! I’m still learning, but I believe we need to look at adultery as the breaking of covenant, and I thought Keith would address that. I think I’m going to re-read “divorce remarriage: a redemptive theology”.

  9. June 12, 2012 at 1:03 pm | #11

    Yikes, I just wanted to say that nothing is worse than feeling lonely in a group of hundreds of people. The hardest thing to find is true community. When you find the “legalistic” mind set of a group unbearable anymore, it is still a struggle to find a new home. A truly accepting community is a rare and wonderful thing.

  10. June 24, 2012 at 1:22 pm | #12

    Keith, I am not speaking of any specific sin, but you are dead wrong in this discussion. You cannot go to God for forgiveness of sins in the morning and recommit that sin the same night, and expect any results, except refusal.

    • June 24, 2012 at 4:13 pm | #13

      Then I’m dead, and wrong – but I am not dissolving my marriage to make commenterson my blog happy since scripture says to do nothing of the kind.

      Comments are closed on this post.

  11. June 9, 2012 at 5:13 pm | #14

    Jeff, you might want to try leading off your conversations with something besides the use of scripture to judge someone. Try loving and caring about that person first; build a relationship; then discuss soul matters later when they actually care what you think (because they know that you care). People who have been through divorce have already tasted hell. You don’t have to greet them with another mouthful of it. Just a suggestion.

  12. June 9, 2012 at 7:13 pm | #15

    Maybe you should answer why you are so all-fired curious about matters that are, quite frankly, absolutely none of your concern … and so eager to rush to judgment in such matters, Jeff.

  13. June 9, 2012 at 9:37 pm | #16

    And I believe it’s valid to ask, “Why do you need to know these things?”

    So here we are.

  14. June 9, 2012 at 10:10 pm | #17

    And, by the way, don’t teach things like “To divorce for any reason other than sexual immorality on the part of your partner is a sin, a sin that can be forgiven. The living in sin comes when the guilty party remarries, which in turn causes them to become an adulterer. And the one they marry becomes an adulterer also because they are married to one who is not free to marry. The only way this sinful life style can be forgiven by God is for them to seperate, turn from that sin and follow God’s will”

    … unless scripture specifically says those things and you can cite them, each one.

    If you cannot do that, you would be a false teacher, would you not?

    So don’t do it anymore on my blog. I’ll block you, and with no regrets.

  15. June 9, 2012 at 10:15 pm | #18

    Then let me rephrase with emphasis: “Why do YOU need to know these things?”

    Who appointed you judge of this matter? Why did you assume authority that belongs to the Lord alone?

  16. June 10, 2012 at 10:41 am | #19

    Brother, if your question was answered, it wasn’t by me.

  17. June 10, 2012 at 10:42 am | #20

    I think you pointed out a little more than what Christ said. Otherwise, you’d have no qualms about citing it in scripture.

  18. June 10, 2012 at 11:40 pm | #21

    O wise Jeff, thou hast convinced me of my life of sin!

    Now, by faith, I can see the invisible words in Matthew 19:9 which say, “Jesus gave ONE exception and that one exception is sexual immorality. If your the guilty one your only option is to reconcile and remain with your spouse, if your spouse puts you away in divorce you must remain single. If your the innocent one, you are free to remarry if you so choose. This verse is saying, if you divorce your spouse for any reason other than sexual immorality and you marry another you become an adulterer and the one you marry also becomes an adulterer ” and “The only way this sinful life style can be forgiven by God is for them to seperate [sic], turn from that sin and follow God’s will.”

    Now by faith I can see the divine wisdom in excluding reasons for divorce like spousal and child abuse, physical and verbal, or hatred or unrelenting dishonesty or murder — only sexual immorality could possibly qualify!

    Now by I faith I can understand how it would be seen that way by the One who said “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart” and inspired John to say “Anyone who hates a brother or sister is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life residing in him.”

    What thus can remain for me but to be noble and exhume this thirty-year-dead marriage for your perfect judgment and confess every private sin that led to it, for only one party can be innocent. Yet all have sinned and fallen short of God’s glory, so to be fair I must also indict my former wife, though I hold nothing against her and have no desire to ruin whatever ways she now serves God. For it is inevitably the only right thing to do!

    And I must abandon my dear wife of twenty years now and break her heart in publicly penitent ways, for only that shall satisfy your flawless interpretation of scripture and God-given right to judge in this matter! I must render my children fatherless and leave this home lest living in a separate bedroom portray some appearance of evil. Yes, yes! The ONLY way I can beg forgiveness is to destroy the marriage and family I cherish so that justification can be made for my first destroyed marriage!

    Yet I know that no forgiveness from God can be asked for these cumulative sins, for the blood of Christ Jesus is powerless against them, no matter how I repent or make others suffer for them!

    I hope my sarcasm is sufficiently clear.

    There is NOTHING in scripture to justify what you have taught above, no verse you can quote, which teaches “The only way this sinful life style can be forgiven by God is for them to seperate [sic], turn from that sin and follow God’s will.”

    I will not provide a platform for that kind of false teaching on this blog. I love you, brother Jeff, and I will pray for you.

    But you’re blocked. And if you manage to get past it, I will remove your posts as I detect them.

  19. Robert
    June 11, 2012 at 9:52 pm | #22

    Keith,

    After reading your impassioned response to Jeff’s comments (I’m unsure as to what all was said between you two) I think it’s important that we examine the details of Matthew 19 in which this argument is centered. The Pharisees asked Jesus if a man could divorce his wife for “just any reason”. Jesus makes several considerably hard statements in regards to this question. First he equivocates a husband and wife as “one flesh” (quoting from Genesis). Christ said, “So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined let not man separate” (v.6). I believe these words of Christ are extremely important! God himself joins a man and woman together as one through marriage. That should definitely wisen us all up to the significance of marriage. If only everyone in our country went into marriage with such an attitude!

    Then, Chirst invalidates Moses’ acceptance of divorce and gives us a strait forward and easy to understand exception (authorization if you will) for divorce: sexual immorality. “And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorce commits adultery” (v.9). This is pretty strict stuff! And it’s not the first time Christ spoke concerning the matter. In his great sermon-on-the-mount Jesus said, “But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adulter; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery” (5:32). It’s pretty cut and dry – you’d have to completely ignore what’s written in order to lose it’s meaning.

    With these words, I think it’s safe to say that marriage is a sacred covenant. Indeed, going on in Matthew 19, the apostles are seemingly shocked by Jesus’ preaching, and respond with a (somewhat) offhand yet illuminating statement. “‘If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry’” (v. 10). Following this does Christ ease the tension by giving other exceptions for divorce? Does Jesus comfort his disciples? No. He basically tells the disciples to take it or leave it. Christ says in verse twelve, “For there are eunuchs who were born thus from their mother’s womb, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake. He who is able to accept it, let him accept it.”

    This is indeed one of those hard sayings of Jesus; and it’s a lesson that’s definitely not popular in our society. What? Christ commands us to love and cherish our spouses above ourselves for the rest of our days!! We can’t get divorced even though our marriage is “broken” and we don’t like each other anymore? When looking at Matthew 19, and several other areas of scripture (Paul’s lessons come to mind), it’s clear that unless marital unfaithfullness occurs, divorce is simply not allowed. Harsh teaching, yet Christ’s nonetheless.

    If I may I’d like to speak on a personal level, before I address your above post Keith. One day shortly after my high school graduation, my parents informed me that their marriage was “broken”, and that the only way to ensure their long-term happiness was for them to divorce. A sad day, and a shameful excuse. As a 20-something Christian it saddens me to know that my parents are outside the Lord’s body. What’s perhaps even more disheartening is knowing that their biggest stubbling block to entering into Christ’s Church is this little sticky issue of divorce. What would you have me do Keith? In love I’ve preached to them for years now, urging them to understand that their “divorce” was a mistake and is not right according to God’s law (not to mention it hurt our family in more ways than you could imagine). Am I to now let bygones be bygones and tell them to go ahead and join me in Christian fellowship with their new spouses? This divorce is now years past; does time now grant acceptance to an action deemed sinful by God? Would you have me not preach what Christ himself said in Matthew 19? From your post, along with those others who’ve posted thus far, I understand that you’d have me do just that.

    Shame on you Keith! Why the hostility towards Jeff? One individual actually stated that they were going to pray for his soul! You viciously attack his scripture-backed argument with nothing but an emotional appeal and hate filled sarcasm. You insinuate that the man on the other side of the blog considers himself God on high. You say that there is NOTHING to back Jeff’s argument; yet, his argument seems to be Christ’s own words. Where is Jeff’s teaching false? You’ve given absolutely no argument to disprove his supposed false teaching! None! And the fact that you’ve blocked him. Amazing. Is that what you do to all those who dissagree with you?

  20. June 11, 2012 at 10:18 pm | #23

    Robert, I don’t know you, but I don’t think you have read my response very closely.

    Jeff’s teaching is false when he says of divorced and remarried people what I quoted, “The only way this sinful life style can be forgiven by God is for them to seperate [sic], turn from that sin and follow God’s will.”

    There is nothing in scripture which says this. It is a teaching of man, not of God.

    You may not be familiar with the way blogs work, but the author of one may block whomever he/she pleases, and for whatever reason or no reason at all.

    Jeff has made it a practice on this blog to accuse and excoriate others who disagree with him, and I decided he had exercised enough of his first amendment rights here at the expense of others, including myself.

    The details of my divorce are no one’s business. They’re not relevant to the post. I do not choose to share them.

    Thanks for visiting my blog. I can’t promise it will be a comfortable place for everyone who visits. But there are things I won’t tolerate, and after dancing on that line for years, Jeff finally crossed it.

  21. June 12, 2012 at 12:56 am | #24

    Robert, I know you didn’t really ask for advice, but I’m not going to be able to sleep until I’ve shared it … so here goes:

    Forgive your parents. Stop preaching at them. They know your opinion and your interpretation. Let God judge them. He will do a better job than you or I could. Just love and honor them. Accept them as Christ has accepted you. Let your family heal and stop reopening old wounds.

  22. sabshire
    June 13, 2012 at 10:02 am | #25

    Robert,

    Is sin unforgivable? The obvious answer (Thankfully for all of us) is no. What would you have a murderer do? Raise the dead, and then the murderer is forgiven? Good grief!

  23. Robert
    June 14, 2012 at 5:47 pm | #26

    Keith,

    I appreciate you taking the time to respond to my post, and thank you for the advice as well. This is an issue that really can cut to the core and challenge our faith. If you don’t mind I’ll expound a little on my experience for the sake of our discussion. First off, I don’t want you or fellow bloggers to think me filled with hate and malice towards my parents. I love them both very much, and would do anything for them. Both of them were great parents in that they taught me to be an kind, respectful, and upstanding person. Over the past few years we’ve kind of settled into an unspoken truce – knowing where we stand on that devastating event. All of us (including my younger brother) have cooled, and I’ve been able to (in a way) just let it be. I’d say that I’ve come to accept that it’s simply reality. It has taken a lot of growing up to realize that sometimes you simply have to let those you care about do what they do. As the son (you’re totally right in what you said), I’ve been trying my best to simply love and honor them as my parents, and appreciate the times we spend together. And we do have some great times.

    Though I’ve preched to my parents often over the past several years, I’ve come to understand that they’re simply not going to hear what I’m saying (let alone take the time to read scriptures for themselves). I’ve realized that beating this dead horse isn’t going to help anyone. To be clear, neither of my parents are Christians. Through my youth they did attend the Lutheran church, though now even that has fallen by the wayside. Both parents have vowed that whatever “spark” they had between each other is now gone. They’re truly “broken”. Likewise, both parents were eager to find love elsewhere. One parent remarried a few years after the divorce, and the other will soon be married again (unfortunately this will be marriage number three). Any time I spoke up in the past about what God has to say regarding divorce and their condition (that is the seperation was not due to sexual immorality) they seem to care little. My father, who at one time seemed very open to the Gospel, has now shunned any possiblity of becoming a member of the Lord’s Church. Why? Because he knows what Christ said regarding divorce, and knowing this he’s simply unwilling to leave his girlfriend (now fiance) of two years.

    With that being said should I fold altogether and simply accept what they’re doing? Moreover, should I condone their current relationships as “ok” in the sight of God? What would you have me to do and say? Trust me, there’s been so many times I’ve simply wanted to tell them that they’re fine. “Just come to church,” I’d wanted to say! However, scripture continued to stare all of us in the face. A condition we must all meet to receive the gift of salvation is to repent of our sins. Matthew 19 is simple, clear, and hard to get around. I know (and I truly believe they know) that “what God has joined together, let not man separate.” I can tell you with all certainty that their divorce meets absolutely NO scriptural justifications. Their current relationships ARE adulterous according to the very words of Christ. In order to become Christians they MUST repent of their sins.

    I ask you this: How can they repent of this sin if they adamantly refuse to stop living therein? How can they, therefore, become Christians?

    What would you say to a thief who desires to become a Christian, but refuses to stop stealing and give back what he took? What would you say to the homosexual who desires to become a Christian but refuses to turn from their sexual immorality? The problem is they’re NOT repenting of their sins. If someone doesn’t repent of their sins how can they enter into the Kingdom of God? God loves every human on this Earth, no matter how sinful; and he desires that we should all be saved (I Tim. 2:4). However, to receive salvation God commands us all to repent and turn from our sin. To follow not our own will but His. In the context of what we’re discussing, Christ told his apostles this prior to sending them out to preach to the children of Israel: “He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who does not take up his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it” (Matt. 10: 37-39).

    You wrote that this statement is false: “The only way this sinful lifestyle (non-scriptural divorce and subsequent remarriage) can be forgiven by God, is for [the remarried couple] to separate, turn from that sin and follow God’s will.” How is this teaching false? Again, looking at Matthew 19, in order to rectify this sin which Jesus discussed, what must my parents do? I’d like you to answer me this Keith. If they desired to become Christians, according to scripture, would they be justified in continuing in their new “marriages”? What does Christ mean when he tells the Pharisees, “So then, they are o longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate”?

  24. Robert
    June 14, 2012 at 6:15 pm | #27

    Sabshire,

    Your analogy is what we (in the legal business) call false. First, murder is an act that’s final. There’s obviously no taking it back – the killer can’t (as you put) raise the dead. A divorced marriage, on the other hand, is something that can be raised from the dead (I’m of course excluding the circumstance where one party has since died). When is a divorce ever final? It’s only in a society such as ours today, that divorce has the same sense of finality as death. Though society may not see a divorced couple as “fixable”, God tells us that all things are possible with Him.

  25. June 14, 2012 at 8:16 pm | #28

    Robert, one more time: The teaching in “The only way this sinful lifestyle (non-scriptural divorce and subsequent remarriage) can be forgiven by God, is for [the remarried couple] to separate, turn from that sin and follow God’s will” is not from God. It cannot be found in scripture. It is based entirely on a set of assumptions and conclusions of man.

    What must your parents do? All the things that anyone else should do in order to follow Christ. Know of Him. Believe on Him. Love Him. Turn away from sin. Be baptized into His death, burial and resurrection to a new, sinless life. Walk with Him. Confess His identity over and over and over to others by living it.

    Robert, there is no other requirement laid upon those who wish to repent. If it is in scripture, then point me to it. I’ve challenged that several times now. It’s not there.

    What Jesus says in Matthew 19 is instruction, not law. He did not come to make new law, but to fulfill the law and be the atoning sacrifice for all. His blood covers ALL sin. His righteousness makes ALL sin forgiven. There are no other conditions that we are required to meet. There is nothing in scripture that says people who divorce then remarry others are living in a state of perpetual sin that the blood of Christ alone is powerless to forgive.

    And whatever you do, don’t quote part of Matthew 19 up to verse 10 and then quit as if that’s all Jesus had to say. In verse 11-12, He adds:

    11 Jesus replied, “Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. 12 For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others—and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.”

    Your parents are not eunuchs. They had you. They are not sworn or promised to a life without sex (as far as we know), nor are they physically prevented (at least they weren’t when your life began!). Living like a eunuch, then, for them is a matter of CHOICE. Jesus isn’t requiring it. He isn’t even recommending it — for all. He just says that “the one who CAN accept this SHOULD accept it.”

    Your parents are married to others. They have entered into a covenant before God and have promised to love their spouses until death separates them. They would be breaking covenant with each other and before God to separate. To divorce their current partners would be wrong. God still hates divorce now as much as He did in Malachi’s time (2:16) and just as much as He did when your parents divorced. Two wrongs never make things right — unless there’s a cross involved and Jesus is on it. Then the wrongs done to Him can, by God’s power, make all things right.

    When your parents separated the first time — as far as your information goes — it was wrong. It was the result of selfishness and sin. Selfishness is the leading cause of divorce. I can’t defend that statistically, but you know it’s true! How can separating from their spouses NOW be right? Doesn’t scripture still say, “Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate”? Or are you convinced that you know God’s nature so well that He cannot, does not bless a marriage after divorce after people broken by it have found someone that they can trust and love again — when perhaps they thought they never would?

    Did you know that there was a teaching of man (it probably persists in some places to this day) that would say that your parents should divorce their current partners and remarry each other in order to ever be right in God’s eyes? Where would that be found in scripture? I can tell you where it’s not. It’s not in Deuteronomy 24:1-3:

    “1 If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, 2 and if after she leaves his house she becomes the wife of another man, 3 and her second husband dislikes her and writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, or if he dies, 4 then her first husband, who divorced her, is not allowed to marry her again after she has been defiled. That would be detestable in the eyes of the Lord. Do not bring sin upon the land the Lord your God is giving you as an inheritance.”

    It’s not in Jeremiah 3:1:

    “If a man divorces his wife and she leaves him and marries another man, should he return to her again? Would not the land be completely defiled?”

    Can something detestable and defiling in the Old Testament suddenly become the law of Christ — even though He never says such a thing?

    I realize what the teaching of separation says, and that it does not go this far. It still goes to far, by making law out of man’s reasoning where scripture has not spoken. See Deuteronomy 4:2; 12:32; Proverbs 30:1-6; Revelation 22:18. Adding to what God has said is simply not acceptable to Him.

    The whole point is that we should be committed to each other as partners in marriage! This honors God; Hebrews 13:4 says “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.”

  26. June 14, 2012 at 8:23 pm | #29

    Robert, my first marriage is dead. It was dead and buried long ago. There is no desire on the part of anyone for it to be resurrected, nor is there any need. It would only cause hurt, harm, pain and suffering to many, many parties to attempt to do so.

    Now I’ve said all that I really care to say on the subject. I didn’t write about it in order to open the door for people to pry into my life and judge and turn this post into a discussion of marriage, divorce and remarriage. There are books on the subject, and other Web sites. Some are helpful and scriptural. Others are of man and are harmful. Choose wisely.

    I’m posting notice here that further comments on the subject of marriage, divorce and remarriage will be deleted because they are off-topic to the post, have become combative and divisive, and are too likely to prompt people to display a spirit that is not of Christ.

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