The Not-So-Great Divorce

Not to make light of an outstanding book by C.S. Lewis, but most divorces aren’t that great.

Mine wasn’t. Angi’s wasn’t either – though she is more resilient than most other people I’ve ever met. We happened to meet at church when her divorce was in its final stages. Mine had been complete for seven years.

A couple of days ago, I received an e-mail from a person who had read my post at One Christian’s Affirmation and poured out her heart about her restrictive upbringing in the church, her marriage to someone that should have been fine because he was a Christian, their divorce after two children, and now his desire to reconcile to her. “Reconcile” may be too strong a word. He wants her back.

I don’t want to disclose specifics beyond that; she was simply writing to express her joy that not all of her fellow Christians buy into the dogged doctrinal details of our fellowship, which she didn’t see in my post.

I haven’t known how to write her back, and so far I haven’t. Angi and I have co-taught classes for separated, divorced and widowed people both at my home church here in Little Rock and at Highland Church of Christ in Abilene. The people of both those classes were great blessings to us, though sharing their challenges was often spiritually and emotionally draining.

The truth is, I feel like I’ve lost whatever “touch” God gave me. I used to be able speak confidence and comfort to people who were hurting. I wasn’t afraid to go back to the hurting place of my second single life with others who were currently in theirs.

I’m happy now. I have a marriage that I never dreamed could be possible; two adorable and energetic children by adoption; no classes to teach to spiritually sick and wounded people. I’m happy.

I already said that, didn’t I?

Then why do I feel like I’m a little bit divorced from reality?

5 thoughts on “The Not-So-Great Divorce

  1. This is just one person’s perspective, but I doubt seriously if you have “lost” your touch. Rusty maybe…..but not completely lost. Once you’ve had that gift or ability, I doubt if it ever goes away for good.As far as your last question, I would venture to guess that YOU are the only person that can ultimately answer that. Good luck!Let me also encourage you to get back to that woman who took the time to contact you. Even if it is just to say you don’t feel you can be of any help……which I doubt is the case. But she is probably anxious to hear back from you. Don’t you think? I’m just thankful she had someone like you to contact…..what a blessing!DU

  2. Perhaps sometimes we feel like we are “divorced” from reality because we are happy. I sometimes feel like I am just waiting for something bad to happen because I am happy.Having said that, I agree with David, I am sure you still have a great deal to share. Perhaps you are just reluctant to drag up feelings from the “dark-side”.

  3. Gee, Keith – Having been divorced myself after being married to a Christian for a really long time and having 3 kids, this post of yours (and the lady’s story) really touches a deep place within me that is still full of hurt when I stop to think about it at all in any way. It fills me with great pain in ways that those who have not been through it have no way of understanding, as you are well know, I’m sure.Like you and Angi, I’ve found great happiness since with Tom and thank God every second of every minute of every day for having Tom in my life and for his vast love for me in ways I’d never before experienced.But, as for this lady – it sounds to me as if she is reaching out to someone, needing help. Maybe your wife or another Christian woman you know would be a better choice to email her back and offer counsel.I am certainly no expert in the field, other than having experienced it, myself, as a Christian and having represented a number of women and men as an attorney as they were going through divorces and child custody cases, but you can tell her, if you want, to email me if she wishes. I’ll be more than happy to help in any way I can or just empathize.There should certainly be any number of people who could be of service to her, so we must not let her down. I remember how very alone I felt and WAS for quite a long time during and after my divorce as a Christian and would not wish that for anyone else ever again if I could do anything at all about it.

  4. Thanks, folks; good advice all around. I just wrote my new friend to tell her thanks for her note of encouragement … and pretty much told her the same things I said in this blog. Do me a favor, though, will you? Pray for her. She’s really hurting. Just ask God to send His Comforter to Keith’s new friend.He will know who you’re talking about.

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