Do you know what really chaps my saddlebags?

Of course you don’t – or if you think you do, you’re still reading to find out if you’re right.

What really chaps my saddlebags is people who think they know God better than He knows Himself.

There. I’ve said it. And I ain’t a-gonna take ‘er back.

I’m talking about people who say, “Oh, the Bible is bad because it mandates war and extermination and intolerance.”

Well, tough toenails, Person-Who-Knows-Gooder-Than-God. Tell you what. You pretend you’re God. You devise a brilliant way to keep order among millions of refugees in a desert with no visible means of support for forty years and if you come up with something better than law and punishment and providence, you give me a call.

And if you find something more efficacious than Christ’s blood and His grace in giving it for all who mature past the point of needing law, make it an urgent call, collect.

While I’m waiting, I’ll just go on yapping about people who say, “God is hateful and murderous and vengeful.”

Well, duh. He is also just and merciful and loving and provident and generous and omnipotent. Try telling the whole story in context instead of just the part that suits your purpose. Imagine holding back all of your emotions at those whom you might have created to enrich the world when they molest and rape and torture and steal and lie and annihilate each other instead of doing what you asked them to do, which was for their benefit and the good of all. I’m just real sorry He doesn’t measure up to your perfect standards of morality.

Oh, and by the way, see how you feel when they nail your firstborn to a cross and leave him there to die.

In the meantime, keep to yourself your brilliant perceptions about what the Bible says until you’ve read it through at least once, and about who God should be like until you’ve achieved perfection yourself.

He will still love you no matter how idiotic your notions are, and will still want you to be a part of His family in spite of what you are:

A doofus like me.

I know, because I’ve had some of those same snot-nosed, arrogant, indefensible ideas myself – probably still carry a few of ’em around in my saddlebags, when I’m thinkin’ with ’em as well as just sittin’ on ’em.

And He still forgives.