(written with tongue pressed against the inside of check as it is being bitten to cause sufficient mild pain that will keep me from bursting out in laughter)
Hey, Christians!
Let’s go minimalist!
It’s the only safe way to worship.
And that, of course, is the only way to please God.
So let’s gather in synagogues and homes and rented halls, because that’s what the early church did, and that’s the pattern.
Let’s have two or three speak instead of one preacher, because that’s what the early church did, and that’s the pattern.
Let’s drink the fruit of the vine from one cup because that’s what the Lord did and that must be what the early church did, and that’s the pattern – even if there are a thousand souls at worship and the cup holds gallons and it takes two hours. And while we’re at it, let’s partake of one loaf. For the same reason.
Because that’s the pattern.
Let’s pay our elders instead of our preacher and require him to work part-time, preferably making tents, because that’s what the early church did and that’s the pattern.
Let’s forbid women to speak or sing once inside the place we meet, lest they be tempted to teach or exercise authority over men through the public reading of scripture together or the singing of songs – because that’s what the early church did, and that’s the pattern.
Let’s require them to wear veils of authority on their heads because of the angels, and because that’s what the early church did, and that’s the pattern.
Let’s do the absolute least we can do in worship so that we do not offend the tastes and consciences of anyone at all, no matter how weak their faith, and do nothing to spur them on to maturity in the faith and trust in God and belief in the power of Christ’s blood and His love to cover all sin lest we fail to keep such beliefs in disputable matters to ourselves, because that is what the early church did, and that’s the pattern.
And following the pattern explicitly, word for word, is what pleases God and is therefore His will and commandment and the only thing that will allay His terrifying wrath that will be poured out on us because of our intentional departure from the pattern or even our ignorant misunderstanding of His silence when decreeing His unspoken commandments.
Because doing all the right things all the time in worship one or two hours a week together is so much more powerful than the blood of Christ or sharing that Story by living it out sacrificially and generously and boldly in our lives the remaining 166 hours of the week.
(for some reason my grin has faded and sunken to a grimace at this point and I flail about for a way to close what began as a light-hearted jibe)
God help us all.