Keith Brenton: Ultra-Conservative

/ W. Keith Brenton / 16 Comments

Methuselah MootIs that possible?

Well, probably not in terms of politics, but with regard to Christianity … yes, I think it might be.

You see — as I’ve shared before — I think there are a lot more things expressed by the Lord in imperative tones than just five or six “steps” and BING! you’re “saved.”

And I believe that everything the Lord asks of us, whether you want to call them commands or not, are necessary because He knows they are good for us, will bless us, will help us to grow spiritually and to grow closer to Him and to others.

Yet the preaching within too much of Christianity is centered — not on Christ who saves us — but on what we must and must not do (as long as it’s not more than five or six “steps”) in order to be “saved.”

And I put “steps” in quotes because you won’t find the concept of “steps to salvation” in scripture.

And I put “saved” in quotes because you won’t find many preachers willing to share with you a comprehensive definition of what it means to be “saved.”

Eternal life in heaven with God and a get-out-of-hell-free card, sure. I get that. Most people do. Is that all? Sure, it’s enough, but is it all? What does it mean to be “saved” in this life?

That, I believe, is at least as much of what Jesus’ teachings and example were concerned with as pie-in-the-sky-by-and-by.

Yet when was the last time you heard or read (or perhaps gave) a sermon on the imperative expressed in Luke 12:33? Is that not a salvific concept? Is it not a salvation “issue”? Or is it just about whether your bank account will take you through eternity when you get to heaven?

When was the last time you encountered teaching on Matthew 5:16? Why does 27-32 get a lot of press but 38-48 gets virtually none?

Why do we ignore 6:16-18 entirely? Did Jesus not say those words? Are they not in imperative mood? Do they not presuppose that we will elect to fast?

Is there any one of those things that God asks of us that doesn’t testify to (and live out before others around us) His goodness, His grace, His power to save, His willingness to do so, His love for us, His very own Son’s life?

I could rattle off another dozen, and they wouldn’t add to the value of the discussion because I’m betting you could too. Let me just cut to the chase:

We don’t preach those things because they’re our shortcomings and oversights and, yes, sins of omission — and if they were preached about with the same ferocity and intensity that marriage, divorce and remarriage or salvational step-jumping is preached then someone would get fired for infringing on our consciences instead of preaching hellfire and damnation against someone else’s sins.

There. I’ve said it. And I ain’t a-takin’ ‘er back.

So you just call me liberal all you want to. You’re wrong. I’ll bet I am at least as conservative about what Jesus said needs doing and what God wants for us to do as anyone else you know. Probably more.

It’s what man says about what scripture says that I have my doubts about.

‘Cause it’s not like scripture doesn’t say enough already to convict and still save every single daggum one of us.

Something Big and Sinister

/ W. Keith Brenton / 3 Comments

Arthur Dent: “All my life I’ve had this strange feeling that there’s something big and sinister going on in the world.”
Slartibartfast: “No, that’s perfectly normal paranoia. Everyone in the universe gets that.”

~ The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

I believe the mythical designer of terran fjords and fiddly-bits is mistaken.

There is something big and sinister going on in the world, and I think we all feel it. And we can let it lead us into paranoia and madness-that’s-even-worse and eventually total destruction. Or not.

It’s sin, plain and simple. And if you’ve read very much stuff I’ve written, you know that I believe sinleadstodeath sinleadstodeath sinleadstodeath.

And death is possibly the second-most pointless and absurd and frustrating thing ever, yet absolutely necessary because sin and self cannot be permitted to endure forever and ruin the ongoing effort to bring things back to the way they really ought to be.

Look around. Look at this world. It’s a perfectly gorgeous place on the whole.

Now.

Read a newspaper. Or if you’re not haply or happily literate and reading this anyway, watch a news broadcast on the telly. This world’s a mess. It’s not getting any better.

And it’s all because people make decisions largely or solely based on self-interest, then act on them. Casually, brutally, thoughtlessly — whatever. We act on whatever we want or want to happen.

Sin, in other words.

With no particular preperception or concern regarding the consequences, particularly for others.

Sin.

The single most pointless and absurd and frustrating thing in the world.

Sin has completely screwed up our planet.

And the Person who actually created it (no, it was not Slartibartfast) did not have sin in His intentions for us. It was not what He wants for us. It never was. It separated us from Him and from all the good and great things this planet could have been and that we could have been and might yet be.

Nevertheless He has a plan to restore all that, but it is more horrifically expensive than any custom-made planet built by the Magrathean WorldWerks, or whatever it was Adams called it.

The plan cost God heaven’s dearest blood, His own Son, tortured and slaughtered at the hands of man’s sin — but brought back to life by a love that simply cannot be obliterated, bought, sold, perverted, or turned only on one’s self.

And to me, the fact that there is something big and sinister and wrong in this world is the greatest evidence that there is something — someOne — far bigger and selfless and right beyond it; and He loves without limit and He wants to make things good and right and perfect again.

The way things ought to be.

Thankless Thanksgiving

/ W. Keith Brenton / 1 Comment

An atheist’s life must be trying indeed
with no end of strife and yet no faith to plead

with moral compunctions that have no real source
and choices at junctions but no certain course

surrounded with beauty and no One to praise
no feeling of duty, no paean to raise

awash in abundance yet no One to thank
swayed by the influence that God is a prank

tempted to be hateful or angry or vexed
still moved to be grateful yet somehow perplexed

on thankless Thanksgiving, the atheist’s need
– forgive my forgiving – must be trying indeed.

Yet More Maxims of Methuselah Moot

/ W. Keith Brenton / Leave a comment

Methuselah MootRobert Heinlein chronicled a far-flung future’s The Notebooks of Lazarus Long; a few years later, David Gerrold responded with the often-hilarious and equally-irreverent Sayings of Solomon Short. That was all years ago, so I have decided at last to reveal Yet More Maxims of Methuselah Moot (although some of them go back as far as the Roman philosopher-humorist Locquacius Rudimentus).

It is merely coincidental that most if not all are 140 characters or less.

  • Now watching the original Disney “Fantasia” – a long-time Halloween tradition. “Night on Bald Mountain” fading into “Ave Maria.” Awesome.
  • I’ve been watching AMC’s 2009 re-visioning of the 1966 Brit series “The Prisoner.” Nothing is more scary than being unable to discern truth.
  • #thatawkwardmoment when rolling a pumpkin downhill on the street is not the harmless prank you thought as it bowls over two toddler fairies.
  • #thatawkwardmoment when you realize that the two folks in police costumes at the door are there about the party noise, not to accept Neccos.
  • #thatawkwardmoment when you compliment a mom with kids at your door with “Nice witch costume!” and she growls back: “What costume?”
  • #thatawkwardmoment when you run out of Halloween candy in the middle of a group of costumed teens, any of whom is big enough to take you.
  • #thatawkwardmoment when you tap someone on the shoulder who is paused at the wrought-iron fence reading the “Beware of the Thing” sign.
  • #thatawkwardmoment when the door’s answered by a lady in a scant dominatrix costume telling your kids, “You wanna treat? Roll over and beg.”
  • Somebody tell me again how dressing up to look like someone we’re not and demanding treats on Halloween is different from any other day…?
  • #thatawkwardmoment in the back of the squad car when you realize an orange jumpsuit was not your best choice as a Halloween costume.
  • #thatawkwardmoment when you told her it was the most terrifying Halloween wig you’d ever seen and she said it was her new $70 do.
  • #thatawkwardmoment when you really outdid yourself on your Halloween costume and you showed up the only one costumed.
  • #thatawkwardmoment when you try to return your Halloween costume on November 1 … even though you have a receipt.
  • #thatawkwardmoment when your cup of fogging Halloween brew turns out to have a chip of dry ice in it that freezes your lips together.
  • #thatawkwardmoment after you put on your Halloween costume and someone asks you “Why didn’t you wear a costume?”
  • Anyone who plays God should be prepared to lose. It’s not that He cheats ; He just holds all the cards.
  • #thatawkwardmoment when you’re all hyped for Halloween, watching the Charlie Brown cartoon, and pass out when the Great Pumpkin rises.
  • #thatawkwardmoment when you’re chatting about horror flicks and can’t remember Michael Myers from Jason Voorhees. Or their last names.
  • #thatawkwardmoment at the Halloween bash when you realize none of these young kids know what a Klingon is – and they’re in their 20s & 30s.
  • #thatawkwardmoment when you’ve told your mom you want to be a hobo for Halloween; she rolls you up in a brown rug because she heard “HoHo.”
  • If you gave me a gift, how would you feel if I said, “Oh, I really want and need this. But I can’t. Could I just work for you and earn it?”
  • Pugsley had a solution to the problem of both protestors and Wall Street … if he could just get the trajectory right.
  • Wednesday was sure that there was a person inside the big purple dinosaur, but could be surgically removed without either one surviving.
  • By the end of the episode, neither Elvira nor Morticia could be persuaded to “Say Yes to the Dress.”
  • Many dining establishments are now serving food with sea salt, where the word “sea” is a synonym for “way too much.”
  • You couldn’t pay me enough to be President. Wouldn’t do it. Not for all the money we owe China.
  • Trying Dunkin Donuts’ Pumpkin Spice coffee, the home brew version, this morning. Liking it. Liking it very much.
  • Now everyone will start noticing there’s no basketball. I like basketball. I liked it a lot more when it was a game rather than an industry.
  • McRib … probably the scariest thing about Halloween.
  • Say you went shopping for a religion. Would you be more impressed by those who were smart about their faith – or those who lived it well?
  • You know, when they create a tv series called “CSI Cleveland,” it’s time to euthanize the franchise.
  • Are there still teams playing baseball? For cryin’ out loud, it’s nearly November! Are they waiting for snow to stop them?
  • The Aflac duck has looked delicious to me for some time … but I’ve come to favor shooting the Major Medical pigeon on general principles.
  • Or possibly so that they will conclude I am not loaded yet, but would like to be.
  • I’ve decided that I want my personal logo to be an animated spinning spokewheel … so people will get impatient with me and give up on me.
  • Whenever Buddhism starts sounding attractive to me, I just assume a lotus position and try not to think about it.
  • I’m awake. I’m up. I can’t say I’m real happy about it.
  • I think it’s hysterical when you run Windows Update and click to restart and get a message: “Can’t shut down. Windows Update still running.”
  • I apologize for my previous (and incomplete) tweet; there is really no excuse or justification for my inexplicable lack of planning and fore
  • I must truly and deeply express my regret that the final part of this tweet will not be able to appear due to the inordinate amount of chara
  • But I’m not lost! I’m exploring. And enjoying the scenery. (So chill out, willya?)
  • “I’m not sure I agree with you.” (Actually, I’m pretty sure you’re dead wrong, but this sounds nicer.) #whatwesay #whatwemean
  • Henry David Thoreau said most men lead lives of quiet desperation. The Apostle Paul recommended a life of quiet inspiration (1 Ths. 4:9-12).
  • I love a bowl of McCann’s Irish Oatmeal with a dollop of apricot preserves on top. But tonight, it’s blackberry. Just as good.
  • Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. Pop flies don’t like an outfielder. #worldserieshumor
  • I believe that all of my prayers are answered – perhaps not the way (or as soon as) I would like/expect – but always answered.
  • Pretend that Christ comes to your church this morning. Nobody talks about Him. Nobody sings about Him. Would He feel welcome?
  • Pretend you have never stepped into your church before. You don’t know anyone. You don’t know what’s going on. Would you feel welcome?
  • Beware the candidate who promises lower taxes and less government but has been happy to accept a paycheck as governor or congressman.
  • When his assistant told him she would kill for a promotion like his, he didn’t take her literally. #grimtweets
  • On the other hand, he should have known better to buy a designer necktie made of hemp by an outfit named Neuse. #grimtweets
  • “You would think that, among so many thousands of them – more or less – that one nuclear warhead wouldn’t matter,” he reasoned. #grimtweets
  • Henbane or hemlock? She stroked her pointed chin, not remembering. In the end, it probably didn’t matter. In the end. #grimtweets
  • The Antarctic outpost was exactly like the way he had seen it in his premonitional dream … except for one Thing …. #grimtweets
  • Standing outside it, Ted wondered why anyone would go in it. He didn’t know that outside or in didn’t matter to this house. #grimtweets
  • Skipping over the grave’s freshly-turned dirt, the last thing Sally expected was to feel her ankle grabbed. The very last thing. #grimtweets
  • Encased in a huge block of transparent Lucite, the gorgeous young woman looked very lifelike. Especially when she blinked. #grimtweets
  • “It’s midnight,” they urged the mysterious ball guest. “Won’t you take off that ugly Death mask?” “What mask?” #grimtweets @mike_the_eyeguy
  • Racing his motor, Dean estimated whether the old lady in front of him would get a cross. She did; a white one. #grimtweets @mike_the_eyeguy
  • “I’m not sure I’m ready for that kind of commitment.” – Dr. Victor Friese, en route to Arkham Asylum. #grimtweets @mike_the_eyeguy
  • “As it turns out, the way to a man’s heart CAN be his stomach.” – Sadie “The Surgeon” Stitcher #grimtweets @mike_the_eyeguy
  • “In retrospect, it was not a priority that foredeck passengers have fresh ice.” Capt. Edward Smith, RMS Titanic #grimtweets @mike_the_eyeguy
  • Any idiot can rail against something. (I’ve proven this by example.) But it takes a lot more courage to stand FOR something … or Someone.
  • Toughest marching orders ever: “This is my commandment, that ye love one another, even as I have loved you.” – John 15:12
  • What is so difficult about Matthew 24:36 and 25:13 for Harold Camping to understand? “You do not know the day or hour….”
  • My cat and dog always get a handout as Angi makes a turkey sandwich for my son’s lunch. He doesn’t have class on Friday. They’re devastated.
  • It doesn’t take an advanced degree in biblical studies to see that what the Bible is talking about is loving God and others more than self.
  • I don’t want to be known as the guy who put the “mental” in “judgmental.”
  • Is it possible? That I will never again have to worry about how to spell Khadaffi / Qadaffi / Ghaddafy?
  • I never got a do-over on that last tweet and now this one’s turning out to be just as pointless.
  • I would like a do-over on this tweet because I didn’t get it right the first time.
  • It would seem that, for me, every glass is a dribble glass.
  • Romney and Perry last night: What Aunt Eller said about Curly and Judd Fry out in the smokehouse.
  • I am a little bit slysdexic.
  • Here is the task, as I see it, faced in preaching… “Churches of Christ and the Challenge of Preaching” goo.gl/47N9U
  • Rain awakens. First thought: You know what made David a man after God’s own heart? He forgave Saul over and over. Just like God forgives.
  • I can’t take seriously anyone who proclaims that they KNOW a certain person is condemned to hell. God gave them a peek at Judgment Day …?
  • God was at work in many churches yesterday. He’s also at work in many homes and workplaces today.
  • You can flail away at the straw man all you want, but as soon as you put a name and face on it, you appear mean-spirited AND stupid.
  • God was at work in many churches today. (But you can still reach Him at home.)
  • I was thinking of creating an event on Facebook and Twitter called “Occupy Time Better.” But I’d have to give up Facebook and Twitter.
  • Two of the most vanishingly uncommon commodities of the 21st century are common sense and common courtesy.
  • Angi and I decided our kids and pets would know they are not the center of our lives. The kids know it’s Christ. The pets are a challenge.
  • Third cable outage of the day. I think there should be legislation permitting customers to pro-rate their bills, deducting offline time.
  • How about making tax breaks available only to companies whose best-paid employee’s total comp. package exceeds the least by 100x or less?
  • Too often we assume that when two theories are oppositional, one must be right and the other wrong. They could BOTH be wrong.
  • I don’t believe God has to obey Bishop Ussher or Charles Darwin when it comes to the way and duration of His creative process.
  • “I was technophobic before technophobia was cool.” – the last known tweet* of Henry David Thoreau (*disputed, due to pre-Y2K servers)
  • My theory is that the zombie myth got started when someone saw a person like me getting out of bed before coffee was invented.
  • Not sure about my Mac. It just installed 3 updates, displaying a “Cleaning up…” message for a long time. But my office is still dirty.
  • Friends come and go. Power is fleeting. Wealth may desert you. I just want cookies.
  • Forgive my Restoration roots, but where’s the book, chapter and verse in the Koran that authorizes blowing up people with your underwear?
  • Does it astound you that the Creator of the universe, almighty God, everlasting Father, hears your prayer and seeks you as child and friend?
  • “Plain burger. Just a patty and bun.” WHAT IS SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND ABOUT THAT? #BKdrivethruworkersatmentalvmax
  • Passed too many one-handed drivers on cellphones in rain today. Good news for body shops, hospitals and mortuaries. Not so much for others.
  • There should be no /s in the body, but its parts should have = concern for each other. – 1 Cor 12:25 #biblemath
  • Faith + goodness + knowledge + self-control + perseverance + godliness + brotherly kindness + love. – 2 Peter 1:5-7 #biblemath
  • (Christ) was sacrificed x 1 to – the (sins) of many people. – Hebrews 9:28 #biblemath
  • The one who is in you is > the one who is in the world. – 1 John 4:4 // God is > our hearts. – 1 John 3:20 #biblemath
  • Two passages that give me pause when I think that someone seeking benevolence is actually scamming: 1 Corinthians 6:7 and Matthew 5:40-42.
  • So the Senate rejected the jobs bill. You know, firing these 100 people might actually improve unemployment.
  • I wonder if the murderous interplanetary spree of Redjack started when H.G. Wells dispersed him from the time machine in 1979 San Francisco?
  • Ever been sent a friend request by Facebook User? I’ve seen some of the comments made by Facebook User, and I’m not eager to accept.
  • Sure it’ll do 88 in a mall parking lot, fly in a thunderstorm and travel through time. But can you still get parts for it?
  • Forcryinoutloud does she have to smack her lips and romp on the bed all night? (The cat, that is. Angi’s out of town.)
  • I have restless, questing mind. I wonder things … like, “Did Morticia Addams knit scarves for Dr. Who when Cousin Crimp had enough?”
  • Could you tell the voices inside your head to speak more softly? The voices inside my head can’t hear each other. Thanks.
  • Had something witty and sweet to tweet, but by the time I remembered what it was, it wasn’t all that witty or sweet. So this is all you get.
  • Daughter @lauralbren has written her favorite verses in dry-erase on her mirror. Each day she gets ready and sees herself reflected in them.
  • I just can’t seem to follow the thread of this discussion. Oh, wait; this is #Twitter.
  • There is objective truth … and there is subjective interpretation. When we cannot tell the difference between them, we’re deceived.
  • Don’t mean to state the obvious, but when you post something everyone already knows is true, you’re stating the obvious. #obviously
  • I wish @TravelingMead would write books. I wish he had a publisher named Wensch, whom I could call and implore “More Mead, Wensch!”
  • If Christianity is only about living a Christ-like life to the glory of God, how can that be the same as anything else?
  • If Christianity is only about helping those in need, how is that different from a registered charity?
  • If Christianity is only about evangelism and saving people to save other people, how is that different from a pyramid scheme?
  • Think I’ll bill Bank of America $5 a month for insulting my intelligence and favoring stockholders over customers. They’re not even my bank.
  • I am a geek. I am enjoying “Pirates of Silicon Valley” on #TNT.
  • I’m not sure Steve Jobs was successful as a Buddhist. How could so many incredible somethings come from a mind full of emptiness?
  • Steve Jobs is dead. I am saddened. I feel the way I felt in fourth grade when I heard that Walt Disney had died. Now innovation is up to us.
  • What do we learn from Gog and Magog (Rev. 20)? Trust God to bring the fire.
  • What do we learn from Ananias and Sapphira (Acts 2-5)? Trust God to bring the fire. Don’t let it go out. Don’t try to bring your own.
  • What do we learn from Nadab and Abihu (Lev. 9:24-10:2)? Trust God to bring the fire. Don’t let it go out. Don’t try to bring your own.
  • Can you be happy and not know it? And is it okay to clap your hands anyway?
  • Went home sick but still working a little. Took decongestant and a big steamy bowl of cafe au lait.
  • I don’t feel good and I have all of the personal charm of a pit viper. This is after coffee. Not good.
  • Surprised that Spain doesn’t build hi-mileage cars. When they built sailing ships, they’d get 20-30,000 miles per galleon. #oldjokerecycled
  • My education: Currently pursuing a course in Life Studies at the University of Soft Knocks (Matt. 7:7; Luke 11:9; Rev. 3:20).
  • How can I expect a fantasy football team to win when they won’t do their two-a-days, dress out or even run laps? #troubledfantasy
  • I’m so grateful for what I have – but sometimes I look at Angi and wish we could have met 15 years earlier and shared those years, too.
  • What would it take to persuade you that you have more value than you know? What if I told you God loves you so much that Jesus died for you?
  • What would it take to persuade you that you have more value than you know? A haunting from Christmas Spirits Past, Present, and Future?
  • What would it take to persuade you that you have more value than you know? A visit from Clarence Oddbody?
  • I should not be this excited that Discovery’s HD Theater channel is becoming the all-car channel Velocity. But I am.
  • When my back and knees hurt, I prefer to think of my peculiar gait as performance art. #ministeroffunnywalks
  • Where does your cosmology come from: “Big Bang Theory” or “Third Rock from the Sun”?
  • My sense of humor has finally graduated from sophomoric to junioric. (Though some might say this post contradicts that.)
  • Running really is for people being chased down as food or chasing down food.

It has been said that all of these are moot points, and I would find it difficult to disagree. However, if you would like to experience them as they spring unbidden to my semi-consciousness and thence to my keyboard, all you have to do is follow keith_brenton at Twitter.com.

Everything is Possible for You

/ W. Keith Brenton / 4 Comments

Going a little farther, he fell to the ground and prayed that if possible the hour might pass from him. “Abba, Father,” he said, “everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.” ~ Mark 14:35-36

I had a trying moment Sunday morning during the observance of the Lord’s Supper with my church family. I read that verse and came pretty close to losing all composure. I wasn’t certain I could stay at the sound board anymore, or that I could do what I needed to do there.

Read it again with me, as I did then:

“Everything is possible for You.”

I have never known Jesus to be wrong or mistaken about anything. If He believed something to be true, it was true. He believed it was possible for the hour to pass from Him, because everything was possible for God.

It’s just five words in the English language, and only Mark’s gospel includes them.

That’s not to say that Jesus never said the same thing in other contexts; He did. Like Mark 10:27. And Luke 18:27. Once He even told a desperate man with a tortured child, “Everything is possible for one who believes.” (Mark 9:23)

Yet the context in Gethsemane is the fate of the world and it is bearing right down on His weary shoulders and He is God’s Son and God can do anything.

He could accept a lesser sacrifice … just as He had done with Abraham. (Genesis 22) It didn’t have to be His Son, His only Son, arrested and pummeled and run all over town and tried and mocked and spat upon and whipped within an inch of His life and crucified six hours to take that last inch.

It was possible.

All Jesus had to do was say the word and twelve legions of angels would have appeared to rescue Him.

But the word He said instead was, “Yet…”

Both Father and Son knew that He had to submit to this final act of obedience. The prophecies could not be unwritten. The destiny could not be transferred. The Story had to be lived out; fulfilled to the fullest … for it would be the Story that would win millions back to God.

Do you think Jesus struggled with questions of theodicy in Gethsemane? Do you think He took them personally?

He did, you know. All the way to the cross … and the tomb … and glory.

The writer of Hebrews 5:8 says He learned obedience through what He suffered. The hard way. The hardest way. He obeyed fully, because we could not.

So I beg you to deal with that now, right now, and don’t put it off until you’re struggling with theodicy or dealing with something you feel is unfair in your life or carrying a burden you feel God has given you that is too much to bear. Or even when you’re running a sound board during a worship service with your church family.

Everything is possible with God.

Everything is possible for those who believe.

Including surviving six hours on a cross when nearly bled to death.

And forgiving the thief next to you and the traitor who turned you in and all of humanity for standing around while you perish yet doing nothing.

And living again, a glorious life, renewed and redeemed and beloved by God in His home with His family, forever and ever and ever.

If it can be done with His Son, it can be done with you and me.

It’s God’s will for us.

Anything that’s His will, He makes it possible.

More Maxims of Methuselah Moot

/ W. Keith Brenton / 1 Comment

Methuselah MootRobert Heinlein chronicled a far-flung future’s The Notebooks of Lazarus Long; a few years later, David Gerrold responded with the often-hilarious and equally-irreverent Sayings of Solomon Short. That was all years ago, so I have decided at last to reveal More Maxims of Methuselah Moot (although some of them go back as far as the Greek philosopher-humorist Idontwantnunades).

It is merely coincidental that most if not all are 140 characters or less.

  • I always like getting the last word. Tonight I thought I’d be generous and share it: zyzzyva. You’re welcome.
  • Because of the prior claim staked by the public relations field on the initials “P.R.,” political rhetoric may now be abbreviated “B.S.”
  • Is the sudden surge of sea salt-seasoned foods threatening the salinity of oceans & all life in them? I think #theonion should investigate.
  • #quickbio Carrie Nation: a healthy-sized 19th-20th Century gal who got really hacked off about alcohol abuse.
  • I don’t want to want stuff but I want stuff more than I want to not want stuff so I have more stuff than I want but I want even more stuff.
  • I admire the spunk of all you folks Meeting at the Pole this morning. But it’s, like, 4000 miles to the Pole and I’ve got to get to work.
  • I want a “Life is Good” t-shirt. But I want it to say, “Life is Pretty Good. Afterlife is Better.”
  • You have an American, God-given right to be as afraid as you want to be. But perfect love beats fear every time.
  • For some reason, the song that won’t leave my head today is “Amazing Grace” … to the tune of “House of the Rising Sun.” And I like it.
  • I think it’s getting easier for me to see others as people Jesus died for. Until they get behind the wheel of a car. Still working on that.
  • I’m watching educational TV (AFV). I learned: If it involves a ramp & bike, ladder, tree & chainsaw, or panel-side pool … don’t do it.
  • I don’t want to brag, but social networking online was originally my idea. It’s just that ElbowBook never took off. #soclose
  • Just in: NASA Launches Fall Season With Falling Satellite / Hopes to Reach One In 3,800 With Personal Reminder
  • Aw, heck, CERN; I’ve received neutrinos the past few years that I haven’t even fired from my accelerator yet. That’s just neutrinos for ya.
  • Working on my aluminum foil skullcap for tomorrow – protection from the falling satellite and the invasion of telepathic aliens after. #2fer
  • I’d like advance warning when it’s “Turn Left in Front of Oncoming Traffic Day.” (Three times on the way to work.)
  • Cannibalism in the Bible: “If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.” – Gal. 5:15
  • Do I become irrelevant if I confess that Facebook’s changes don’t matter to me at all? Or was I already irrelevant?
  • If I quit Twitter, Facebook, and Google+ … would I even miss me? Schizophrenic minds want to know.
  • Looking forward to being merged with a falling NASA satellite Friday like the hapless Rick from “Northern Exposure.”
  • To divide the church is to deny reality; Christ prayed/gave His Spirit to make us one. We need only maintain that reality, bonded in peace.
  • It was on a tree in Eden that death hung disguised as the fruit of knowledge, and on a crosstree of death that Life bore the fruit of love.
  • Not sure I’m up for today. Let me check. Yeah, I’m out of bed and standing. I guess I am up for today.
  • Grace and obedience are opposite sides of the same coin. We obey out of gratitude for grace. We show grace to others by obedience.
  • “Oh, I’ve got the wrong number.” “That’s okay. I always slept through the numbers part of ‘Sesame Street,’ too.”
  • “Oh, I’ve called the wrong person.” “No, I’m always right. If you’re looking for the wrong person, let me connect you to my ex.”
  • “Oh, I’ve got the wrong number.” “Well, maybe, but I wouldn’t attach too much moral significance to a string of numerals.”
  • “Oh, I’ve called the wrong number.” “Well, if you knew it was the wrong number, why did you call it?”
  • “Oh, I must have the wrong number.” “Well, if it’s something you must have, this is certainly the wrong number.”
  • Thomas Edison’s actual words on the first telephone call: “What’s up? Comb hair. I need jute.” #crazyoldguy #poorsoundquality
  • Pondering John the Baptist. Think about it: if you wore camel’s hair and ate bugs you’d probably be alone out crying in the wilderness, too.
  • Hats off to worldwise little ones who want to wear rubber boots even when it’s not raining. You never know when you might step in something.
  • Some minister friends defend their shaved heads: “Try it; you’ll never go back.” But I don’t buy that “once-shaved, always-shaved” stuff.
  • I shot a 44 on the first nine holes, but the golf course folks shooed me away and said next time I should bring clubs and balls, not a gun.
  • The way people bring us their extra snack food at the church office, you’d think we were all starving and indigent. #nothardly
  • I was an odd child. Which is totally unfair; it should have been my older and younger sisters who were odd. They were born first and third.
  • I should have my own HGTV show: “How To Do All Those Things Around The House That You’ll Never Do Because You’re Too Busy Watching HGTV.”
  • A useful phrase for parents of pre-teens: “How many ways would like to hear me say ‘no’?”
  • It may not be a scripturally-sustainable philosophy, but if the world could end at any moment, why not go ahead and have the cheese dip?
  • This is my favorite time of day: when I am feeling so overwhemed that I just sit back, relax, and pretend that I don’t exist.
  • I’ve heard it said, “This is no time to panic!” But what better time is there to panic than when reality is crashing down all around you?
  • How many people are we believers hoping to win to the love of Christ by acting like total jerks today?
  • If you have time to talk in depth about Madonna and hydrangeas, you may have too much time on your hands.
  • Making fun of Social Security is easy for rich people. For the rest, it’s the only security they have in a world where they are expendable.
  • I am the object at rest which tends to stay at rest. Upholding Newton’s Law 1a is my life. I don’t know about 1b or motion, just resting.
  • I mean if someone has spent a lifetime living hell-bent on being hellbound, will God not grant what that one has desired and lived for?
  • In the end, love wins. God wins. But that does not necessarily mean that He gets everything He wants. (Which sounds pretty selfish, really.)
  • There’s a significant percentage of my time on Twitter and Facebook that is enabled by Windows Update and Apple Software Update. Just FYI.
  • I have a new marketing motto for the folks at Huffington Post: “You Heard It First … Somewhere Else.”
  • Exhaling is the last thing I’d want to do.

It has been said that all of these are moot points, and I would find it difficult to disagree. However, if you would like to experience them as they are revealed by the great cosmic consciousness known as the Flying Spaghetti Monster, all you have to do is follow keith_brenton at Twitter.com.

I Would Like to Stop Being a Jerk Now

/ W. Keith Brenton / 21 Comments

No, my blog hasn’t been hacked. This is really me posting, and I would like to stop being a jerk now.

I would like to stop being so opinionated, so convinced of my own rightness, so judgmental and condescending and achingly starved for affirmation that I will stop letting it all boil out of me like pungent acid onto everyone I encounter.

I know deep down that it’s going to cost me the luxury of making snide comments at others’ expense which strike me as funny … and correcting and belittling them … and getting the credit for some things I might have actually done right.

And the whole thought of it just gives me the willies and sends an icy sharp pang of panic down my spine.

Because I have tried before and failed.

The truth is, what I’m wanting to give up is exactly who I am. And that is never something that should be considered or done lightly.

I want to be Someone else, but since I can’t be, I want to be open to Him through His Spirit. I want to be like Him. I want to give Him full use of not only hands and feet but heart and head and mouth.

That is not who I am, and it frightens me all the way to the center of my empty pointless self to admit it.

I want so much to be able to do it myself, and I can’t because I’m empty. It isn’t within me. I need help.

Because I am too often blind and deaf to the things He shows and says to me, I need your help.

I need you to tell me when I am still being a jerk.

I need you let me know when I am not funny but judgmental and unloving and selfish and cruel.

I mean it. Even if I melt in a puddle. I need to know.

Because I can’t trust me anymore.

I am a jerk.

And I don’t want to be a jerk anymore.

Jesus and War

/ W. Keith Brenton / 9 Comments

You will hear of wars and rumors of wars, but see to it that you are not alarmed. Such things must happen, but the end is still to come. ~ Matthew 24:6

I am always a little amazed when someone brings up a verse or two — like the one above — to justify a Christian’s involvement in war.

That verse and its parallel in Mark 13:7 are in the middle of Jesus’ prediction of circumstances that will characterize but not necessarily herald the end of time and His return. They are prophecy; not a command to take arms — no more than this verse:

Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. ~ Matthew 10:34

This is a snippet from a larger conversation about how even families will be split apart by the truth about who Jesus is; and the importance of standing by the truth rather than acquiescing to family loyalties and denying the truth. Here, the truth is the sword which rends families asunder (Luke 21:15-19). (It is a metaphor Paul and the writer to the Hebrews — inspired by the Spirit of Christ — pursue in Ephesians 6:17 and Hebrews 4:12).

Then Jesus asked them, “When I sent you without purse, bag or sandals, did you lack anything?”

“Nothing,” they answered.

He said to them, “But now if you have a purse, take it, and also a bag; and if you don’t have a sword, sell your cloak and buy one. It is written: ‘And he was numbered with the transgressors’; and I tell you that this must be fulfilled in me. Yes, what is written about me is reaching its fulfillment.” ~ Luke 22:35-38

The disciples said, “See, Lord, here are two swords.”

“That’s enough!” he replied.

It is an assumption that Jesus advises the purchase of a sword here in order to fight a physical battle or for self-protection. Two swords would hardly have defended twelve men, and He pronounced them sufficient. However, one sword was sufficient to sever the ear of a servant at His arrest, and give Him the opportunity to perform one last miracle that should have testified to all present and arresting or defending Him of who He is, and by what power He spoke the truth (47-53). In those verses, His command is “No more of this!” — and He contrasts those who wield weapons to arrest Him as if He were leading a rebel posse rather than teaching disciples as He had in the temple courts.

Two swords among twelve would also have been sufficient — assuming that they would flee together — to provide food for them in the wild, where He had just advised them to go (in the previous chapter, Luke 21:21) in order to escape the tumult that was to come.

And writing of the tumult that was to come, John of Patmos describes the unnamed Jesus three times as a princely hero bearing a sword (Revelation 1:16; 2:12-16; 19:15-21). All three times that sword is pictured as proceeding from His mouth. This, again, is the sword of truth — against which those who lie (and believe lies rather than the truth) have no defense whatsoever. This is, again, a highly prophetic passage with language appropriate to prophecy. The war described is indeed a cosmic one in eternity, and the battlefield is not on any literal plain on earth, but in the human heart. (2 Corinthians 10:3; 1 Peter 2:11).

If we who believe cannot win in our own hearts that battle of love for survival of self at the cost of God and the lives of others — if we cling so tenaciously to this life and all of its possessions, attractions, political affiliations, nationalistic loyalties, ideological idolatries — how can we hope to enlist in His army to assist others with the battle in their hearts?

But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect. ~ Matthew 5:44-48

Let me ask something: When Jesus says “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,” does He mean before or after running them through with your bayonet?

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also.” ~ Matthew 5:38-39

When the Savior says “Turn the other cheek,” does He mean make sure of their intentions before you beat the very life out of them?

“You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘You shall not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to a brother or sister, ‘Raca,’ is answerable to the court. And anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell.” ~ Matthew 5:21-22

When He says “Anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment,” does He mean that it’s okay to murder if you do it dispassionately, without any anger at all toward your victim?

Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. ~ Matthew 5:12

Does He imply that it’s okay to persecute others for their unrighteousness because the kingdom of heaven is yours?

Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called children of God. ~ Matthew 5:11

Does He mean that warmongers will also be called children of God?

Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy. ~ Matthew 5:7

Does He imply that the invasion of other nations, confiscation of their properties, wholesale slaughter of their uninvolved citizenry as well as their armed forces — all of that is an exceedingly great mercy when used to rescue them from a disagreeable and unprofitable government or religion or philosophy?

I’m not writing this to argue for or against a “just war” doctrine, or whether a Christian can object to or participate in a war. Those are, by definition, issues of individual conscience and you will have to make up your mind about them on your own.

I’m just asking whether the whole concept of physical war in this world with weapons and intentions that mutilate and murder and destroy are consistent with the picture of Jesus’ life and teachings as they are revealed in scripture.

When we use scripture out of context and for our own purposes of proof, aren’t we contorting it beyond the use and meaning it was originally meant to have?

If that’s true, and we can all agree on that, doesn’t it follow that Jesus came to this world to bring the sword of truth that would render asunder the hearts and souls of men, cleave precious relationships — and also surgically create new and eternal ones — based on a gospel about a God of love willing to sacrifice what was most precious to Him in order to reconcile Himself to those by whom He wanted to be regarded as most precious and beloved?

Jesus and Goldilocks

/ W. Keith Brenton / 3 Comments

At the table in the kitchen, there were three bowls of porridge. Goldilocks was hungry. She tasted the porridge from the first bowl.

“This porridge is too hot!” she exclaimed.

So, she tasted the porridge from the second bowl.

“This porridge is too cold,” she said.

So, she tasted the last bowl of porridge.

“Ahhh, this porridge is just right,” she said happily and she ate it all up.

_________

I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm–neither hot nor cold–I am about to spit you out of my mouth. – Revelation 3:15-16

 

Jesus and Goldilocks seem to have very different tastes.

I wonder which one’s tastes are closer to mine?

I like my office to be 70-72 degrees Fahrenheit. It’s usually colder than that, especially in summer, and I have to wear a pullover to get comfortable. Sometimes it gets too warm in the winter, and I take a break to chill out somewhere besides my office.

I really don’t have a problem with the recommended temperature of French cuisine.

I like moderation; I’m actually a fan of the Shangri-La philosophy of James Hilton’s Lost Horizon.

I don’t like conflict, and often wish that disagreeing parties could compromise; find middle ground.

I’m not always good at making up my mind. Sometimes I dither over a decision for a long, long time — and occasionally succeed at avoiding one altogether (when I can get away with it).

Especially when it’s a decision about doing something right or wrong that could really cost me.

Jesus and Goldilocks seem to have very different tastes.

I wonder which one’s tastes are closer to mine?

What Is Sin?

/ W. Keith Brenton / 21 Comments

It’s two a.m. and I can’t sleep tonight.

I can’t sleep because I’ve latched onto a question that absolutely, positively must be answered.

My blogging buddy Kinney Mabry asked it in his recent post “Sin,” and he is not the first and will not be the last. It’s the first question in his post. There are lots more that go with it. Kinney is full of good questions.

Every living person wrestles with this question and the ones that accompany it at one point or another in our lives, I’m convinced. When we shrug it off as inconsequential, that says something about our character (or lack thereof). Because I’m also convinced that God has placed within each of us a rudimentary, genetically-encoded moral compass; that’s part of what Romans 1 is communicating as well as our predeliction for ignoring it.

So I’m going to take a stab at defining sin, and then I’ll let y’all whale away at it:

Sin is what we think, say and/or do (or fail to say/do) which exalts self at the expense of God (and often, others).

It is what we think because that’s where it gets started. It’s what we say and do because that’s how it comes out.

It’s what exalts self at the expense of God because we buy into the lie — just as Adam and Eve did — that we know better than God. We know what’s best for our sweet selves, and He’s trying to keep us from it.

It comes at the expense of God because it cost Him the life of His Son.

It often comes at the expense of others because they have to bear the consequences of our selfishness, too.

It includes “fail to say/do” because we can know to do good and not do it – and leave others suffering.

And a fat lot we care about it.

There, I’ve said it. Obviously I’ve thought it. Perhaps not so obviously, I’ve lived it out in what I’ve said and done. Over and over and over again. So have you. So has everyone else.

We all stand between the two trees in the garden east of Eden, folks. We could choose Life, or the knowledge of good and evil. But the only way to know what good and evil are is to experience the difference between them, and that means disobeying what God has told us right down in the deepest place of our hearts. Life sounds pretty good, but we already have it, and He gave it to us and that must mean that He can’t be telling the truth when He says we’ll die if we eat from the other tree because He planted that garden and He loves us and He wants us to have life.

Yup, we’ve got it all reasoned out. We know better than God. We know what we want. We know what He wants. And He just doesn’t want us to have something that must be really good because He’s keeping it all for Himself and denying it to us.

So we betray each other out of what we profess to be love for each other, but at the root it’s the completely selfish fear that if the other one eats, he/she will have what I want and I won’t and we’ll be different. And we take the bite. And then we know.

We know what God didn’t want us to know that way. We know what He would have taught us out of love if we had trusted Him. But we don’t trust Him. We judge Him. We judge each other.

Yes, sin is rebellion against God and falling short of the mark and all of those other Sunday-school terms that we heard and pretended to understand but really didn’t because they don’t begin to get to the root of what sin is.

Sin is what we think, say and/or do (or fail to say/do) which exalts self at the expense of God (and often, others).

The other tree is Life, which is who Jesus was, is and will be … and what He came to give and to give more abundantly and what He gives through His Spirit and what God gives us in the first place. He does this because He loves us; it is not just His nature but His identity: God is love.

And if we love, we do not judge Him or others. We give up self for Him, and them.

That, I believe, is the long and the short of it. I think it’s staring us in the face and has been all of our lives and it could not be any simpler than if it were tattooed on the backs of our hands and wired into the compass of our feet that would always keep us pointed toward Him.

But then we would realize that our path in life leads to a cross where sin pinioned His hands and feet.

It was on a tree in Eden that death hung disguised as the fruit of knowledge, and on a crosstree of death that Life bore the fruit of love.

Pick one.

Now there’s a thought that isn’t going to help me get to sleep at all.